We are huge True Blood fans!! And as fans we have a few…er…bones to pick. This series has the opportunity for major stiletto- heeled a$$ kicking, quip-flinging, and general hotness, so we are more than a little disappointed when our TrueBlood heroes turn into TrueDuds. We award points for being lame. The highest scoring character is our winner.
*Warning: Spoilers and language may be present.*
Dud-O-Meter: Season Finale
Sookie: Ugh. Well, I hate to say I told you so, but…duh. (It’s nice to know I haven’t lost my ability to know a bad egg when I see one). If this guy hasn’t learned patience after 5,000 years, he ain’t gonna learn. Also, what in Haven’s name are you wearing? I’ve tried to be polite this season. Really, I have. The bizarre, 1983-music-video scene of you putting on that skin-tight-1983 black dress you’ve been wearing for the past three episodes was enough. Then, in the last episode, you whip out your pièce de résistance hat and gloves. 10 points
Sam: Mayor? Well, OK. I guess that makes sense. I hate time jumps. You’ll be the best one the town has seen in YEARS! 0 points
ith: Back to being just you, huh? Now that you’ve lost your powers, your merkin-possie, and your God complex, you can try to fit in a lowly-human or two? I’m glad Sookie turns you down. Sure, you step in to save her life–like always–but you have been horrible for a long time now. Tighten up. 5 points
Eric: WHAT!!!???? WHAT!!!???? No. Do NOT leave us with old-mopey-face-Bill. I refuse to believe you are gone. Re. Fuse. Don’t tell me that an entire half of a season can be devoted to the death of a secondary character and you get 20 seconds. On a mountain. Naked. That can’t be it, because it is just not right!! I love’d Terry and all, but you’re all we had this season, Eric. You pulled all the..er..dead weight, had all the good lines, had all the action. You can’t blaze-out on us now. 10 points (not for you but for your LAME scene)
Pam: I kept waiting for you to shape up. You didn’t. I’ve had to farm out your greeting card line to other characters. Sarah Newlin had better lines, for cryin’ out loud. Tisk. Tisk. Redeem yourself and save Eric. Or Else… 5 points
Tara: You really do have crappy luck with parents/makers. I’m so happy you get some full-circle moments with your mom (who, if you haven’t already, you should watch in Newsroom). Now that you’re healing, let’s get back to that sassy and strong character we love. 0 points
Alcide: We totally didn’t see that coming. Wait, we did. You could see it on Sookie’s face at the funeral! She totally forgot about you!! She was already to be a fairy vampire for the rest of her life (because Sam turned her down, she can’t be with a regular human, and she certainly can’t be….gasp…alone), and then you sidled up to her at the funeral and her co-dependent dreams came true! Whatever. I’m over it. 0 points
Jason and Violet: Eh. I thought we would be done with her. We all know you could use a little help in the thinking department, but talk about control freak?! 3 points
Zombie Vampires: ? Well. I guess every other show was doing it. 5 points
The Lamest Costume Award goes to Mini Pearl…er…I mean…Sookie Stockholm…er…Stackhouse.
Truest Dud of the final episodes goes to Eric On The Mountain. I just can’t let that one go…