We are huge True Blood fans!! And as fans we have a few…er…bones to pick. This series has the opportunity for major stiletto- heeled a$$ kicking, quip-flinging, and general hotness, so we are more than a little disappointed when our TrueBlood heroes turn into TrueDuds.
*Warning: Spoilers and language may be present.*
Sookie: Who brings a hand light to a gun fight?! Sookie. Full of big sad eyes and tasteful blood splatters, Sookie doesn’t do much in the way of helping. She does power-up in the end to stake her former lover! In the back. After he is already Billith. 10 points for bad timing and lame lighting
Arlene: Who knew?! Way to put Andy in the hot-seat and remind him about responsibility!! Tell it. Also, who else can rock a fanny pack AND a purse at the same time? Purell, purell, purell. 0 points
Andy: Poop class? Just change the diapers already. I’m glad Arlene and Terry are there to keep you in line. Sweet introduction to your little girl though…. Sherrif Bellefleur. You’ll get the hang of it. 5 points
Tara: We are really rooting for you, Tara. Seriously. We hope you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and remember how many muscles you have! Thanks for giving Jason a chance to cool down and being there for Pam. Now, start taking names! 0 points
Sam: I’m not sure what happened! (Thanks to HBOGo I watched it twice). One minute Sam is exploding Rosalyn Harris from the inside out, the next minute Luna is…dead? Waht? Sam, you have the worst luck. Change it already. I’m not going to blame you now, but you are warned, Merlotte. 0 points
Emma: “My mom is dead. I’m hungry.” Worst. eulogy. ever. 5 points (You’re getting off easy because you’re, like, 8 and have been kidnapped. a lot.)
Jessica: “You mean you wanna kill Bill?” Biggest eye-roll line to you, Jess. 5 points
Rikki: “I’m your number one bitch.” Yuck. Almost a tie for biggest eye roll line and really, bringing in a third is a terrible way to fix relationship problems! 8 points
Truest Dud of the first episode goes to SOOKIE. Hope this isn’t a trend, girl.
The Paula Dean Southern Hospitality Award (Too soon?) goes to both Governor Truman Burrell for his stripping away of vampire rights and Jason Stackhouse for his derogatory use of Fanger. By the way, peeps, it’s “vampire” like ire not “vamper” like hamper…
We wouldn’t be the Work Life Balance Protection Agency without sending you home with a motivational goody or two. Here’s yours.
Postcards From Pam: Who doesn’t love her? Send a tough-love greeting from Pam, today!