Create your balance. Design your life.

Musing #45: The Limey Election, as Told by Yanks (and 1.5 Canucks)



(That was both sneeze joke and Nazi allusion.)

If you follow this column, you know that its author is an unabashed Anglophile. And you are less than shocked that we’re talkin’ Britannia again.

Fair warning: There may be some references below — perhaps, even the one above — that don’t register with most Americans.

(#SorryNotSorry #GoogleThatShit)

THUS…In case you hadn’t heard, the British Isles have been livin’ quite the newsy 2015!

Map of the British Isles

British Isles” is an admittedly touchy collective term.
Don’t hate me Ireland!!! For I love you.

And now, an unchronological recap of the big “British Islander” stories since January, Stacy-style:

  • The Royal Stink-Eye acquired a baby sister (whose clothes I shall soon covet…#KinderwhoreForever), and the United Kingdom acquired a “blood princess” — the ghastly term obsessively insisted-upon by the Royal Creep-Fest himself (Prince Andrew), in reference to his own daughters of York.

Prince William, Duke of Cambridge/Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge meets members of the crowd at Civic Square on April 16, 2014 in Wellington, New Zealand. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are on a three-week tour of Australia and New Zealand, the first official trip overseas with their son, Prince George of Cambridge.

Prince George does not abide.

Reversal of Fortune

Not actual Dershowitz.

  • After a decade of indefatigable civil litigation, The Guardian triumphantly published the ominous Prince Charles “black spider” memos to government ministers…and said memos were revealed to be criminally boring. Upon reflection, that makes perfect sense and should have surprised no one.

Dull Prince Charles

HRH proved himself to be at once highly intelligent and painfully dull. (Duh!)

  • Cumbie” got repeatedly “batched” by Redmayne at award shows, despite having been in the better film. I watched THE IMITATION GAME [2014] three times in 48 hours, balling my brains out every time! Moreover, I love that Downtown Tom was cast as [SPOILER ALERT!] Next-Generation Downtown Tom.

Downton Tom

Can men please dress like this again soon?!



Nicola Sturgeon, First Minister of Scotland

In the ongoing spirit of ever-fond cultural appropriation: “You go, girl!”


Not actual Cameron.

Since May 8th of this year, I’ve gotten an unfailing kick out of asking my fellow college-educated North Americans for their individual thoughts on what was a legitimately fascinating parliamentary election.

I like to ask two specific questions, actually:

  1. How do you feel about the recent UK election?
  2. How do you feel about the Prince Charles “black spider” memos?

And now, an anonymous tasting menu of my favorite responses to that still-active query (in no particular order):

— A full-Canuck (though actually Dutch-born) perspective, in an exchange with half-Canuck me:

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. What’s over the pond stays over the pond. Except that Her Majesty is on your currency, oh ye citizen of the realm! I can live with that. PS. Her majesty is only on the $20 bill. All the others are past Prime Ministers.”

— An elder Scottish-American perspective:

“I hope this doesn’t disappoint you, but as Cromwell told Lady Rochford when she told him Anne had taught Henry to do it in the “French Fashion”, I have no idea what you’re talking about when you mention the ‘black spider’ memos. … As for the UK elections, I guess I am disappointed that my favorite party, the Liberal Democrats, was virtually erased. They are probably my favorite, mostly because I am so counter-trend anyway, just on principal [sic]. I also wonder why the Scots, having rejected independence so recently, voted so strongly for the Scottish National Party. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since, in the recent independence referendum a certain percentage of people voted both ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. One recalls the joke from the old Monty Python skit about the Blancmenges [sic], after the first Englishman had been turned into a Scotsman ‘Any previous sign of mental deficiency whatever?’”

— A 21st-century female Irish-American (I think…apologies if I’m wrong!) perspective:

“1) people seem surprised by the outcome? That’s interesting… Other than that I know very little 2) …say what now?”

— A Georgia boy’s perspective, exclusively on Question #2:

“[T]he black spider memos bring up an interesting scenario. Sure the royal family is expected to remain neutral in terms of the functional government but shouldn’t the prince, as a citizen, have the right to voice his opinion? There is nothing stopping me from writing my [C]ongressman. I realize we are two separate countries but both Britain and the US pride ourselves on free speech. Just because he is royal, shouldn’t he still be allowed to exercise that right? … I also feel that, as a veteran with two sons serving in the military, Prince Charles has a right to voice his concerns regarding military matters just like any other British citizen.”

— A fellow “privileged” Jewish-American perspective:

1) David Cameron defeated a Muppet and, based on Nicola Sturgeon’s performance, it may soon be far easier to comprehend a greater proportion of British people (though the Welsh still pose a problem).

2) Leave Charles alone! He’ll be 105 when he wheels through the procession at Westminster. Advocating on behalf of Cumbrian farmers or criticizing Qatari aesthetics isn’t exactly a violation of Magna Carta. The Guardian should still have plenty of stories with which it can incite the mob.”

— And, finally, my favorite response thus far:

“1. Fuck the Tories; up the SNP. 2. I have no idea what those are.”

* * *

So, dearest readers, “Damn the stereotypes of stupid Americans! My people are smart.”

As Ever, the Royal Nonesuch

No comments


  1. Musing #43: The Prince George Method (A Coping Strategy) - Work Life Balance Protection Agency | Work Life Balance Protection Agency - […] I’m a hardcore, unabashed, lifelong Anglophile. I devote far more time than any non-diplomat American should to pondering the UK,…

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: