Create your balance. Design your life.

The Salon: Give Yourself Time To Bloom

The Salon: Give Yourself Time To Bloom

Nov 12, 2014

And you — what of your rushed and useful life? Imagine setting it all down — papers, plans, appointments, everything — leaving only a note: “Gone to the fields to be lovely. Be back when I’m through with blooming.” -Lynn Unger I had an emotional night with a dear friend. Thankfully, my friend allowed me to cry and get angry and work through my frustration–and didn’t allow me to walk away before it was all settled. The question of the evening was whether or not I should accept more work. For the last six months I have been setting things in motion, plans that are now manifesting themselves. The trouble is, other forces are at work and I am no longer in the same position I was in six months ago! Do I continue working on these “plans” or do I let them go? My friend asked me, “What kind of person do you want to be during all this?” He clarified and said, “Of course you can do it. You are capable of doing it all at the same time. But what kind of person will you be if you do? Do you want to be that person?” Whoa. In my rush to do all.the.things. In my haste to keep all the balls in the air JUST BECAUSE I had put them there in the first place, I forgot to think about the value of personality. My attitude and the face that I present to the world is important to me. I want to be remembered for the positive influence I bring to the table, not for being a raving lunatic B@$%*. If I say yes to all of the opportunities I worked for, I am endangering my ability to calm with my children. I endanger my ability to be present for my spouse who needs my support right now. Perhaps you can identify with #FOMO, or the fear of missing out. For me it looks like this, “If I don’t take this opportunity, even though I have no room for it and it is really bad timing, I will NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE LIKE THIS AGAIN! It is the “never” part that grips...

The Salon: Courage to be Your Whole Self

The Salon: Courage to be Your Whole Self

Aug 12, 2014

With the passing of Robbin Williams, I can’t help but wonder if he ever had the chance to be his whole self. Did he have a hunger to be recognized for more than his comic genius? Was he starving for community, to be seen for his whole self? I will never know. Lauren Bacon‘s Weekly Curiosity Experience, which I’ve talked about before, always asks compelling and thought-provoking questions. Today, she asked about unhelpful praise. What less-praised aspects of you are you hungry to be acknowledged for? Whoa… We tend to categorize everything as humans. It is our nature. But what happens when praise or recognition or categorization makes us feel trapped or marginalized? Can you think of a person, in your life, whose personality or specific talent overshadows the rest of their abilities? Can recognizing a person for the same thing, over and over, make them feel pressured to behave a certain way or feel like the reset of their being is unimportant? I can’t answer this question for anyone else but myself. What I can offer is this: 1. Really think about the praise you  are about to give. Is it the same thing you’ve always said to someone? What else can you say? Think about this person as a whole being. Say something new. 2. Promote yourself in a new way. It there a skill people don’t often see or know to recognize? Start talking about this more. Give your skill (or part of you that needs air) some light. 3. Have the courage to stop performing to other’s expectations. This is not an endorsement to be a jerk or slack off.  This is a chance to stop covering your true self.   For example, do you feel pressure to be funny all.the.time? What about feeling pressure to be a great listener, the person people always tell about their problems? Does the pressure stem from how people introduce you to others? “This is my friend. He’s hilarious” or “You are always the best to talk to. Thank you.” Humor and listening are wonderful traits. But the listener needs to be heard too. The funny-man needs to be free to express other emotions....

The Salon: Let Your Consciousness Evolve

The Salon: Let Your Consciousness Evolve

Jun 4, 2014

Eckart Tolle wrote, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” How can consciousness evolve? Isn’t it just a matter of knowing? Many of have been dealing with depressing and anxiety producing situations these past few years.  For some, this way of living has become a standard, having trudged through major loss and hardship for most of life. For others, this state is new, brought on by the change in economic climate, illness, or loss. Regardless of how we got to this point, we are here. What comes next? Answer the most important question: Do you want to continue feeling the way you feel right now?  If the answer is “NO,” it is time to move forward, time to evolve. The nature of consciousness has been debated for centuries.  At its most basic definition, consciousness is awareness–of self and of other objects or people.  Awareness is different from knowing, and knowing is not the same as understanding.  Tolle is urging us to allow our awareness to grow. How? Create something. Meditation is not for everyone. Type-A personalities like myself have a hard time sitting and “being.” Many of us often neglect quiet moments of self-discovery in exchange for taking care of their children, doing the dishes, or catching up on TV. What if we allowed ourselves the opportunity to simply create something: written, drawn, crafted? Try it.  Let yourself go and paint, free-write, build, play an instrument, dance, sing.  In the “doing” of the craft and in the “observing” the completed project, you just might discover an unknown portion of your heart that has been trying to get your attention. For me, it feels easier to create and have a “thing” to show for my time, than it is to sit in meditation.  When was the last time you allowed yourself to create with abandon?  It feels wonderful to get lost in the creative side of yourself and step away from the “logical,” judgmental, and critical side of the brain. Allow your current state of being, your current situation or struggle to inform your creativity. You will undoubtedly discover a new way of looking at your present...

The Salon: Moving Forward When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going

The Salon: Moving Forward When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going

Apr 17, 2014

This morning, as I was stewing over having not posted in a few days, I came across this photo, from PCOS Diva, on my Facebook feed: “Staying stuck does not serve you.” In fact, if you really look at it, being stuck IS a form of evolution and growth.  “Know this and allow it.” This morning, like many mornings, I felt guilty for having to start over: on my diet healthy eating plan, on my business plan, on my fitness routine.  Swirling the coffee in my mug, wallowing in my allergy symptoms and feelings of failure, I had a hard time figuring out how I could even get to the computer. I’ve written about effectively using your time while you are at your “rock bottom,” but what I did not cover is how to get out of there.  What if you’ve been down there, learning, rolling along, being open, for a really long time?  How do you climb your way back up if you haven’t figured where you are going? “You are evolving, a work in progress, changing and growing.”  This is movement, folks.  This IS climbing out, however incremental it may feel.  Just pay attention.  Be open to whatever you are feeling and allow it. All my life I have put myself on an imaginary timeline–graduate by X, get a career by X, get married by X, Get a house by X, have children by X, etc.  Who says?  Who says you even need any of these things in the first place?  Somewhere along the line, I picked up the notion that these milestones, and this timetable, was the RIGHT way to live a fulfilling and successful life. Enough, already.  Get off the timeline.  There is none. Not to indulge my penchant for morbidity, but we could get hit by a bus tomorrow!  The timeline does not serve us. Allow your growth to happen.  When you notice yourself thinking those judgmental thoughts, STOP.  Instead, turn your mind to the moment:  What are you doing? Holding hot coffee in my hand. What are you looking at? Pictures on the wall. Breathe in the moment.  Then ask: What did I accomplish recently?  Drove a friend...

The Salon: Do Something For Your Future

The Salon: Do Something For Your Future

Feb 5, 2014

Join the discussion!!!  The Salon is a forum for us to think new thoughts and engage with each other in relation to ideas rather than events.  Does this quote ever relate to work life balance?  Whoa!! As a habitual big-picture thinker, I think about the future a lot.  It overwhelms me.  Am I being strategic enough? Am I getting up early enough? On an on.  That’s why I was surprised at my reaction to this quote.  I thought much more immediately.  What can I do right now, for myself, for tomorrow?  Kudos to myself for taking a step back from the big-scary future and for thinking of just a little future. Answer: I can pre-fill juice cups for the morning. No earthquake under your feet, huh? That’s the thing about balance.  It can be little. Let’s say you have two piles of peanuts you are are trying to make equal.  For some reason, you only have the scales of justice to use as a measuring system.  You would put a handful on each side and then would add or remove one peanut at a time.  This can be the same for work life balance.  Add just one “thing” at a time to either side. Many of us tend to think of “planning for the future” as retirement, our career in 5 years, getting out of debt.  What about the much closer future? For me, to make my tomorrow morning easier, I’m getting the juice for my girls ready the night before. Kind of an easy thing, but will make that few early minutes of my day a little easier.  I can cuddle with them while they drink their juice–half awake. What can you do to make your tomorrow a little easier? Share this:RedditPinterestFacebookLinkedInTumblrTwitterGoogleEmailLike this:Like...

The Salon: The Comment That Changed Your Life

The Salon: The Comment That Changed Your Life

Jan 2, 2014

Join the discussion!!!  The Salon is a forum for us to think new thoughts and engage with each other in relation to ideas rather than events. “Don’t go the next 20 years allowing one negative comment to hold you back. You are not who people say you are.” –Joel Osteen I take “motivation” where I can get it.  People in the midst of creation need constant sources of insight, support, and encouragement.  It can be a very lonely place. Although I do not address spirituality in this forum, and I wouldn’t know what to say if I did, I do find Joel Osteen to have fantastic views on motivation, leadership, and positivity. The sentiment remains that YOU are designed to be unique.  You define you. How many of us are consciously deciding who we are? Now is the time to sit down and actually, legitimately, think about who you want to be.  Stop reading, if you have to, and use the next minute giving actual thought to the person you would like to be (and have others see). I posted this article about morning routines on our Facebook page.  It really got me thinking about how little time we have–and how we need to put a little effort into using it wisely.  In the article, James Clear figures time in this way, “If we use these average life expectancy numbers and assume that your adult life starts at 18 years old, then you’ve got about 68 years as an adult. (86 – 18 = 68) Perhaps a little less on average. A little more if you’re lucky. (68 years as an adult) x (365 days each year) = 24,820 days. ”  If I use my current age subtracted from 77 (the age my father was at his passing), I get 15,330 more mornings.  How do I want to use those mornings?   Let’s stop being so passive.  Let’s grab as many moments as we can, with a tight grip, and choose the person we are in those moments.  The more we can do that, the more we are living our life with intentional design, the more we feel fulfilled. How many of us define ourselves...

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